A new thrift store opened up last week and Wuelita is dying to go. I know she wants me to take her, but whenever she brings it up, I quickly change the subject.
Wuelita loves thrift stores. She sometimes finds really cute stuff. In fact, one of my favorite summer clutches is a Wuelita find. But, if I didn’t re-donate 97% of what she buys me at thrift stores, they would go out of business. Just this weekend she gifted me a pair of white sweatpants, a black sweatshirt with “Cape Cod” stitched with silver thread, and a blue baseball cap and insisted I try it all on for her. It was 90 degrees outside. But, that’s not why I don’t want to take her to the new thrift store.
Our last outing to the local Goodwill started off completely normal. I grabbed a cart and followed Wuelita around as she searched every.single.rack., and when she wandered off to the shoes, I quickly rummaged through her cart to make sure everything was…appropriate.
*SIDE NOTE: Wuelita once bought a t-shirt featuring an iron-on Burt Reynolds on the front (she thinks he’s sooo handsome). Turns out, “Burt” was really just some random 70s porn star with a really thick mustache. The back of the shirt read “Free mustache rides”. Needless to say, I now own that kick-ass shirt.
We were in the car pulling out of the thrift store parking lot when I dropped my phone. When I leaned over to pick it up, I noticed Wuelita had on what appeared to be a brand new pair of Nike walking shoes.
Me: Wuelita, are those new shoes?
Wuelita: Watch dee road, Sweedy.
Me: Did you just buy those?
Wuelita: Do joo like?
Me: Yeah. They look brand new.
Wuelita: I know! Eets a goo deel.
Me: Wait, I didn’t see those in your cart.
Wuelita: *stares out the window*
Me: Didn’t you have tie dyed flip-flops on?
Wuelita: Joo hungry, Sweedy? Joo wanna ham-bear-gair?
Me: WUELITA!! Did you steal those?!
Wuelita: NOO! I jus leeb my ole shoes dair and I poot dees shoes on. Any whey, eets dee same.
Me: Ummm, I don’t think–
Wuelita: Eeets no goo to bee nosey! Joo hungry or no?!
This is my grandmother, and I love her.
Happy Birthday, Wuelita.
Don't Make That Face 
Ha ha ha ha ha! Your Wuelita is hardcore.
If joo see a Whal-mart, joo led me know.
¡Feliz cumpleaños, Doña sweedy!
I love her. And I want that mustache rides shirt.
Thats hilarious!
I love your grandmother! I love her sticky fingers.
hilarious! I want to be a grandmother like her one day 🙂
Sounds like it really was a good deal!
Your writing of her accent is just priceless. “Eeets no goo to bee nosey! Joo hungry or no?!” Cracking up!
I want to go thrift store shopping with you and Wuelita!
LOL I needed this laugh tonight. I love your Wuelita stories. I just love them!
Wuelita used some good logic, in my opinion. One donation for another. I love reading these stories!
I love your grandma stories! That make me chuckle and smile!
I want to see that Burt shirt!
any whey, eets dee same…
love wuelita!!! 😀
I love Wuelita!! Will she adopt me? I’ve had all my shots!
She would totally adopt you, and feed you.
another great Wuelita story. funny – I’ve never seen you in that t-shirt before….
It’s totally the same, one pair of shoes for another. She’s awesome. I want to send her bacon.
Grandma’s a clepto! Ha..ha..ha..ha..