Tag Archives: beauty

Summer is….Precious

16 Jun
It’s a beautiful day in Wisconsin.  I’m wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. 
 
At lunch, I went outside to get some fresh air and stretch.  As I bent over to stretch my back and touch my toes, I noticed that in the bright afternoon sunlight I could clearly see a stray hair on my big toe.  (If you don’t have this problem and can’t relate, you’re perfect and I don’t think we can be friends.)
 
Normally, I wouldn’t care, and would just take care of it when I got home.  However, after work I’m heading straight to a parent meeting at Son’s school where I will most likely be sitting next to Mrs. Manicured-Pedicured-Real Coach Purse-Escalade-McPriss. You know the type.
 
So, being the McGyver McGruber I am, I made a bee line for my tape dispenser and applied several strips of tape to the problem area. 
 
Nothing.  It didn’t even hurt.
 
Naturally, I moved on to the packing tape.   That stuff is heavy-duty and sticky.  
 
Nope.  Nada.
 
At this point I started to panic a little because I really didn’t want to go this parent meeting with hobbit feet. 
 

Classy

 
Just then, I remembered I had a band-aid in my purse. 
 
♪♫Awwwwwwesooooooome!♪♫
 
Everyone knows that a band-aid can rip the s*!t out of your hair/skin. 
 
It totally worked.  And it really hurt.
 
P.S.  Why didn’t I  just cover my toe with the band-aid?  Because I’m much to classy to walk around with a band-aid on my foot.  Sheesh. 

Dee Plane, Boss! Dee Plane!

6 Jun

I have one tattoo.  It’s a small colorful butterfly on the back of my neck.  It was a very trendy design in the 90s, and I’m pretty sure I was wearing ripped jeans, a flannel, and hiking boots while listening to Sublime when I got it, but I wear it with pride.  That little butterfly reminds me of my adolescence, and besides the usual a-holes and bumps in the road I dealt with back then, I have really happy memories from that time in my life.  

I notice tattoos, and I’ve seen a lot of beautiful and a lot of awesomely hideous ones.  Either way, I am always curious about the stories behind every single one of them.  I don’t care if it’s an intricate artsy design or the 90s tribal armband, every tattoo has a story, and I love to hear them.  

I was weeding my garden this weekend when I noticed a man planting flowers along the border of the field across the street.  I don’t know if it was the hot sun or the 3 piña coladas, but from my vantage point, it looked like dude had a huge tramp stamp across the small of his back.

?

My garden would have to wait.  I wouldn’t be able to get anything done all weekend if I didn’t get to the bottom of this.  I didn’t even know guys were allowed to get tramp stamps.  Isn’t there some sort of rule?  I had to be wrong.  It was probably the bottom of some huge back design:

I stood up, wiped my brow, straightened my gardening hat, grabbed my camera (in case it indeed was a *gulp* tramp stamp), and clogged over to the tree in my front yard.  Damn it!  I still couldn’t see clearly enough.  I would have to approach.

I needed an excuse…..TAKEO!  I ran inside, grabbed my dog and his leash and clogged across the street.  The second I set foot on the curb, I dropped the leash knowing full well that Takeo wouldn’t be able to resist the allure of a possible rub down by a complete stranger.

“Don’t worry, he’s harmless!”, I yelled as Takeo ran over to the tatted man.  I hobbled over as fast as my clogs would take me so I could get a good look at the possible  man stamp before the guy stood up.   

I was about 2 feet away before my eyes could focus.  I was frozen dead in my tracks by what appeared to be a dark, billowy, curly, dark, tuft of….hair.

Back Pubes

 Thank goodness it wasn’t a tramp stamp?

The Lipstick Color Is What? Wednesday

23 Mar

Megan Amram wants to be on Glee.  So, like many other hopefuls, she made a video.  I had a lot of quetions after watching this.  The most important question being:

What is that color?  It’s gorge!

Via Buzzfeed

Boobies or No Boobies?

18 Feb

As I’ve mentioned before, the qualifications for being a supermodel  are becoming more and more unattainable for most women. 

Here are singer, Rihanna, and  male model, Andrej Pejic, wearing the same dress:

Boobies

No Boobies

Thanks to JA for the heads up.

Versace. Meep, Meep.

15 Feb

Years ago, Hubby, Son and I took a trip to South Beach.  We were young and trendy back then, therefore, South Beach was the perfect place to take a 2 year-old on vacation.  Am I right?

Given my affinity with the 90s supermodel, I was on a mission to get a picture of myself in front of Gianni Versace’s South Beach mansion.  The problem was, Versace had just been murdered in front of that house a few weeks before, and the locals were still a little……sensitive.  The last thing I wanted to do in South Beach was look like an insensitive Midwestern tourist posing in front of a crime scene with her husband and baby. I’m way classier than that. 

Long story short, of course I got the picture. I ended up doing a “walk by, pause in front of the house, pretend to look out at the ocean, Hubby takes the picture while he pretends to dig in the diaper bag” thing.   

After Gianni’s death, his sister Donatella took over as Vice-President and Chief Designer of the ingenious Versace line:

 

 

 Versace continues to make some of the most beautiful music clothes in the world.

I’ll Never Be a Supermodel. No, Really.

3 Feb

I’m sort of obsessed with models.  My obsession is a carry-over from the 90s era of the supermodel.  As I teenager, I spent many Saturday afternoons listening to George Micheal’s “Freedom” while sitting in front of my bedroom mirror with a month-old issue of Vogue laying next to my open Caboodle trying to figure out what shade of Wet ‘n Wild eye shadow I had would most closely match the one in the picture of Cindy, Naomi, Christy or Kate I was looking at.  The thing that didn’t make this obsession unhealthy was that I was a pretty grounded teenager, and I understood that these women were essentially freaks.

My obsession continues, however, and once in a while I find myself over at style.com checking out the fresh new faces of the season (yes, they’re getting younger and younger).  My most recent search lead me to this beauty:

She’s beautiful, right?  Nothing out of the ordinary here, except………………THIS IS A MAN!  Seriously.  His name is Andrej Pejic, and there is nothing drag queeny about this kid.  He’s straight up beautiful.

I have been vindicated!  I am now positive that the images of fashion models, actresses and other celebrities we’re bombarded with daily are all illusions.  No matter how much you diet, how much you spend (or shoplift) on your clothes, how much make up you have on, how you do your hair, you will never attain the definition of beauty that has been shoveled down our throats, because none of that stuff will make you grow a weenie.