Dee Plane, Boss! Dee Plane!

6 Jun

I have one tattoo.  It’s a small colorful butterfly on the back of my neck.  It was a very trendy design in the 90s, and I’m pretty sure I was wearing ripped jeans, a flannel, and hiking boots while listening to Sublime when I got it, but I wear it with pride.  That little butterfly reminds me of my adolescence, and besides the usual a-holes and bumps in the road I dealt with back then, I have really happy memories from that time in my life.  

I notice tattoos, and I’ve seen a lot of beautiful and a lot of awesomely hideous ones.  Either way, I am always curious about the stories behind every single one of them.  I don’t care if it’s an intricate artsy design or the 90s tribal armband, every tattoo has a story, and I love to hear them.  

I was weeding my garden this weekend when I noticed a man planting flowers along the border of the field across the street.  I don’t know if it was the hot sun or the 3 piña coladas, but from my vantage point, it looked like dude had a huge tramp stamp across the small of his back.

?

My garden would have to wait.  I wouldn’t be able to get anything done all weekend if I didn’t get to the bottom of this.  I didn’t even know guys were allowed to get tramp stamps.  Isn’t there some sort of rule?  I had to be wrong.  It was probably the bottom of some huge back design:

I stood up, wiped my brow, straightened my gardening hat, grabbed my camera (in case it indeed was a *gulp* tramp stamp), and clogged over to the tree in my front yard.  Damn it!  I still couldn’t see clearly enough.  I would have to approach.

I needed an excuse…..TAKEO!  I ran inside, grabbed my dog and his leash and clogged across the street.  The second I set foot on the curb, I dropped the leash knowing full well that Takeo wouldn’t be able to resist the allure of a possible rub down by a complete stranger.

“Don’t worry, he’s harmless!”, I yelled as Takeo ran over to the tatted man.  I hobbled over as fast as my clogs would take me so I could get a good look at the possible  man stamp before the guy stood up.   

I was about 2 feet away before my eyes could focus.  I was frozen dead in my tracks by what appeared to be a dark, billowy, curly, dark, tuft of….hair.

Back Pubes

 Thank goodness it wasn’t a tramp stamp?

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31 Responses to “Dee Plane, Boss! Dee Plane!”

  1. Invisible Mikey June 6, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    I have a sudden, powerful urge to go get waxed…

    (Sorry, no tats, no holes, no mods. Just a plain, gold wedding band. I used to have a couple of shiny tooth fillings, but they fell out of scientific favor and were replaced.)

  2. Nicole, the Queen of this life June 6, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    L
    M
    F
    A
    O
    !!!!!
    This has got to have a funny story behind it as well, right? I mean, right?

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

      I am so glad, but so sad, that it wasn’t actually a tramp stamp. Know what I mean?

  3. irratebass June 6, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    LOL Holy shit! That was great….have you seen my blog? I have all my tats posted except for 2 (just no pics of them yet) Here’s the link:
    http://irratebass.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/my-tattoos/

  4. Crystal June 6, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    OMG. IDK if I should laugh or throw up! I’ve seen a few man stamps in my time on some of the more feminine of the male population, and surprisingly, a couple of them actually pulled it off lol!

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

      I would think that only the feminine of the male population could pull it off, even better than women.

  5. KristenSays June 6, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    i just threw up all over my desk.

  6. Amy June 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    I was sooo hoping for a tramp-stamp cause I just knew what the other option was bound to be. Ew! But, now you know, eh?

    All my tattoos are space themed – moon, meteor, sun with revolving planets & stars and a space ship. Not a tramp-stamp among them.

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

      I really want another one. I had some henna art done on my foot last summer and I have been researching permanent henna tattoos ever since. I’m not having any luck. I am thinking I may have to setting for brown ink?

  7. Thypolar June 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    That’s hilarious! So glad you were able to investigate. I have to say though that I was secretly hoping for a tramp stamp. 🙂

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

      LOL! I don’t know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting the field of dreams.

  8. lexy3587 June 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

    I was hoping for giant back-tattoo… like that guy from prison break, and with an awesome story. Though the story of how you surreptitiously got teh tattooed man to remove his shirt would have been more entertaining than the story he had, for sure!
    Have you seen the pics of a very hairy chested man who got a tattoo of a lawnmower on his chest… and lazer hair-removal in a strip leading from the lawnmower, like it had just finished the job? hilarious but also disturbing…

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

      I would have loved to see a huge artistic tat, but if you would have seen this guy, you wouldn’t have been too surprised about the back pubes.
      I haven’t seen that lawnmower tattoo but now I have to find it.

  9. marinasleeps June 6, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    Back pubes!!
    No a tat would have been a hundred times better.

    Deeeeeeegusting

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

      Right? I don’t know. It only would have been better if the tattoo was something ridiculous like a flower or something.

  10. metrocakegirl June 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

    Congratulations! You have received the Versatile blogger award. To claim your award. Please see this post. http://metrocakegirl.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/the-vb-awards/

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:27 pm #

      Thanks! I really appreciate it. I am honored. 🙂

      • metrocakegirl June 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm #

        You’re welcome. I love reading your posts, and wanted to share them with the world. (Well, my little corner of the blog world anyway) 🙂

  11. Twinisms June 6, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    Grody!! Back hair tramp stamp! Blech, puke, gag!

    This is my first stop at your blog, thanks for amusing me & then grossing me out. I’m not kidding, thanks! 🙂

    • Don't Make That Face June 6, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

      I’m really good at making people laugh and wanting to puke. I’m actually really good that. 😉

  12. momfog June 6, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    *Gag* I prefer a man with a little hair as opposed to waxed, but that is just nasty! If my hubby had that, I’d be trimming/shaving him in his sleep. Yuck.

    My husband has his last name tattooed across his back and my daughter, when she was three, asked him how old she’d be when she got hers. She thought it would “come in,” like her teeth. I’m sure her daddy would just love her to get her name across her back. 🙂

  13. Redneckprincess June 6, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…

    • pissykittyslitterbox.com June 9, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

      I don’t know what’s funnier now, the hair or the comment! Thanks Donna, I taste bile now.

  14. Pkitass June 7, 2011 at 2:01 am #

    And why wouldn’t you take a picture of his back pubes?
    😀
    Tat or pubes a picture is worth a thousand words, right? 😉

  15. fnkybee June 7, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    Groddy. You talked to an ape. haha!

  16. Mutterschwester June 7, 2011 at 3:34 pm #

    I had to read it twice before I understood what happened at the end. Talk about a let-down in expectations. Ha!

  17. mindslam June 7, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    Sure wasn’t expecting that…..that was funny!

  18. julie June 9, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    At the risk of sounding like your creative writing teacher, the pacing was pricless on this, the ending a terrific twist, the steel wool photo well picked. I just never pictured you as a garden clog kinda gal – that’s just so north-shore nancy-ish.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. the VB awards… « the domestic epicurean - June 6, 2011

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