Tag Archives: work

Oh Niner, Niner. I Sound Like an A-Hole. Over.

17 Jun

A client called this morning for my email address.  My email address contains a few “M’s”, some “C’s” and a “D”.  These particular letters are oftentimes mistaken for other letters of the alphabet which means I usually have to use the phonetic alphabet to spell out my email address. 

I can’t stand doing this because I don’t know the phonetic alphabet.  I get really nervous having to come up with something, and I always end up sounding like a complete:

I– as in, ummmmmmm……ice cube?

D– as in dog (easy).

I– as in (long awkward pause) intervention.  Yes, intervention.   (You’ll note that I didn’t use “ice cube” again.)

O– as in (OMG!  I can’t think of anything that starts with an “O”) Oklahoma.

T– as in toe-ma-toe  (classy).

See what I mean?  Over and out.

Please Don’t Poo-Poo The Spray

28 Mar
I started off the day in a very good mood.  It’s my workout recovery day which means I didn’t have to get up early for the gym, I got tons of sleep last night, and got ready for work in record time.  But, my day is slowly but surely going to shit, and it’s because I’m starting to believe that some people in my office think their shit doesn’t stink.  I don’t mean that figuratively.  I mean it literally.

My office is very small which means we have to share a bathroom.   What’s even worse is that my desk faces that bathroom.  Lately, it has become difficult for me to ignore the poop smell.  But, today?  Today I’m convinced that some people may have gotten together yesterday to watch basketball, eat some broccoli and asparagus chili, and drink coffee. 

Yes, we have air freshner available, but some people feel as though they don’t need to use it.   I personally don’t understand this as I am someone that will give a courtesy spray even if all I’m doing is washing my hands. 

Listen, the last thing I want to do is be the poo-poo po-po, but I am seriously considering some passive/aggressive retaliation. 

DID YOU SPRAY?! DID YOU?!

Perhaps some people really do think their poop smells likes roses.  If that’s the case, let me be the first to tell you that your poop smells very caca-like.  Not like roses at all.

Some may make the argument that air freshener makes the situation worse.  I think I speak for the other helpless victims in the office when I say we prefer the fresh scent of  poo-pouri over Chanel No. 2.   Please spray.

P.S.:  I can also hear the faucet running and am fully aware of whether or not you wash your hands.  We will never again shake hands, hi-five or thumb wrestle.  Ever.