Tag Archives: drinking

No, I Didn’t Get Raptured. Just Ripped.

1 Jun

What’s up Interweb?!

So, yeah.  I took an unexpected hiatus.  I basically took a hiatus from everything including, but not limited to, cleaning my house, yard work, and checking anything off of my To Do List.   Things I didn’t take a hiatus from include eating ice cream, reading some really good books, humpy time with the Hubby, and piña coladas.

Since my last post, I am now the mother to an adorable, but extremely a-hole-ish, new puppy!  I forgot how much work a puppy can be, especially when you end up with an a-hole like Kemba.  Obviously, I love him, but he’s sort of evile.  As a matter of fact, as I type this I can hear his evil puppy growls and snarls as Hubby sternly repeats, “Kemba!  No bite!!”.  This has been going on for about 20 minutes.  We better break that dog’s spirit soon or I’m afraid we’re going to end up with a complete dickhead of a dog.

I can’t wait to read what you guys have been up to.  I missed you.  Seriously.  I’m not just saying that because I’m drunk.  As my classy girl, Snooki, would say, “I love you so much, I want you to get it in”.

Jersey Shore, Bitches!


Can You Hear the Love Blossom?

1 Apr

Remember that night you went out with your friends and got really, really wasted?  You met that really hot person who looked like a beautiful angel in a room full of carnies.  The only reason you had the nerve to approach that beautiful creature was because you had been drinking all night.

The two of you talked for a while, and even though it was super loud and you couldn’t hear a word that person was saying,  you were pretty sure you felt a connection.  At closing time the two of  you exchanged numbers.

On the way home you wouldn’t shut up about that person.  You kept annoying your friends by drunkenly and loudly proclaiming:

No you guys!  You don’t understand!  We had a chemistry.  You knooooooow?  A CONNECTION!

Before dropping you off  your most sober friend grabbed your arm and said something like:

Promise me you won’t call that person until tomorrow.  You’re really drunk.

You managed to slur:

Um hmmmm.  I praaaa *hiccup/burp* praaaaaaaaa mis.

You called anyway, didn’t you?

Nooooo.  It’s fine.  You didn’t sound stupid at all.