A new thrift store opened up last week and Wuelita is dying to go. I know she wants me to take her, but whenever she brings it up, I quickly change the subject.
Wuelita loves thrift stores. She sometimes finds really cute stuff. In fact, one of my favorite summer clutches is a Wuelita find. But, if I didn’t re-donate 97% of what she buys me at thrift stores, they would go out of business. Just this weekend she gifted me a pair of white sweatpants, a black sweatshirt with “Cape Cod” stitched with silver thread, and a blue baseball cap and insisted I try it all on for her. It was 90 degrees outside. But, that’s not why I don’t want to take her to the new thrift store.
Our last outing to the local Goodwill started off completely normal. I grabbed a cart and followed Wuelita around as she searched every.single.rack., and when she wandered off to the shoes, I quickly rummaged through her cart to make sure everything was…appropriate.
*SIDE NOTE: Wuelita once bought a t-shirt featuring an iron-on Burt Reynolds on the front (she thinks he’s sooo handsome). Turns out, “Burt” was really just some random 70s porn star with a really thick mustache. The back of the shirt read “Free mustache rides”. Needless to say, I now own that kick-ass shirt.
We were in the car pulling out of the thrift store parking lot when I dropped my phone. When I leaned over to pick it up, I noticed Wuelita had on what appeared to be a brand new pair of Nike walking shoes.
Me: Wuelita, are those new shoes?
Wuelita: Watch dee road, Sweedy.
Me: Did you just buy those?
Wuelita: Do joo like?
Me: Yeah. They look brand new.
Wuelita: I know! Eets a goo deel.
Me: Wait, I didn’t see those in your cart.
Wuelita: *stares out the window*
Me: Didn’t you have tie dyed flip-flops on?
Wuelita: Joo hungry, Sweedy? Joo wanna ham-bear-gair?
Me: WUELITA!! Did you steal those?!
Wuelita: NOO! I jus leeb my ole shoes dair and I poot dees shoes on. Any whey, eets dee same.
Me: Ummm, I don’t think–
Wuelita: Eeets no goo to bee nosey! Joo hungry or no?!
This is my grandmother, and I love her.
Happy Birthday, Wuelita.
Don't Make That Face 