Things have a tendency to snowball out of control at my house. For example:
Hubby: Takeo is trying really hard to not get busted watching you eat that pancake.
Me: I know. I can feel him watching me and every time I look at him he turns his head up to the ceiling and starts whistling.
Hubby: TAKEO! Quit being such a food whore! Go lay down!
Pissed Off and Pouty
Me: Haha. Food whore. I like that. He’s such a food ho.
Hubby: I know. He’d probably eat that chewed up pancake right out of your mouth if you let him.
**blink, blink.**
Moments later I have a big chuck of syrup smothered semi-chewed pancake in my mouth. Takeo has eaten various foods from our mouths before (cheese, potato chips, orange slices) but they’ve always been sticking out of our mouths anchored by our teeth making it more of a food grab.
This time was different because the pancake would be sitting in my mouth, and on my tounge requiring Takeo to essentially french kiss me in order to get his pancake.
I got into position at the end of the couch, and opened my mouth letting him smell the maple syrup goodness. This was the most difficult part of the experiement because I was trying not to laugh or choke on the pancake. Meanwhile, Hubby coaxed Takeo with gentle coos
“Go on, Tiki. Get the pancake. You can have it. Go ahead.”
I can see the confusion in Takeo’s eyes as they quickly move from the ball-o-pancake in my mouth to my eyes and back again. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He could literally smell just how close he was to the syrup drenched mother f-in pancake.
“Go ahead, Tik. You can have the pancake”, Hubby sang.
Takeo slowly inched closer to my open mouth, extending his nose to the tips of my lips. At this point, I have tears running down my cheeks from the pain and joy of laughing without being able to close my mouth.
Just when I think I’m about to lose it, Takeo leans in, and for a split second he looks me dead in the eyes as if saying, “I’m doing this. I’m a food ho. There is no rock bottom for me What’s your excuse?”. Then, he makes his move:
Gross? A little bit. Deliciously hilarious? Definitely.
Don't Make That Face 
Oh. MyGod. I am literally wiping tears from my cheeks right now and was laughing/crying so hard while reading this that I had to keep taking BREAKS. You are fucking hilarious!
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. That was one of my favorite posts to write because I was laughing the entire time I was writing it. I love my dog!
Thanks for reading. 🙂
My dog, Kona, thinks she’s a human and tries to tongue kiss people all of the time. I have tried explaining to her that “no means no” but she still tries to make out with everyone.
I love it! My dog also thinks he’s a real boy. Sometimes my husband, son and I will have a group kiss and purposely leave Takeo out the mix. He has a heart attack and starts yelling at us. Then, he pouts in the corner until we have another family kiss that includes him.
This was absolutely hilarious. It kept me glued to the screen reading this. I love your descriptions of your responses to the situation. BTW the tongue pic is funny and it makes it so much easier to picture the dog thingy. I subscribed to your blog because you made me laugh. I look forward to reading more.
I have two blogs I keep. One is on Fantasy and one on Mental Illness in my life.
Thanks for subscribing. I can’t wait to read what you have to say.