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From the Fourth Stooge

24 Jun

Dear Readers:

Thanks for checking out the blog this week.  I still can’t believe people actually read this.

I have received a few blog awards from fellow bloggers as of late.  Thanks to all who think this blog warrants an award.  I appreciate it. 

First, please know I appreciate the shout-outs.  Please don’t think I’m a complete a-hole (I mean, I am, but you know what I mean). 

The thing is, I’m a complete dickhead I’m sort of OCD, and like to have complete control over what I write about it.  I also highly value the anonymity of this blog.  Believe it or not, I’m sort of shy.  I’m sort of weird about putting too much of myself “out there” (the moon landing never happened, the “man” is always looking over your shoulder, Area 51 is no joke). 

Yeah, I’m weird.

That being said, thanks again to all who have nominated me.  I really appreciate it. 

Please take a minute to like my Facebook page and/or follow me on Twitter.  I’ll follow you back.

Have a great  weekend.  I’m planning on smearing myself in peanut butter and lip syncing Search and Destroy.

DMTF

No, I Didn’t Get Raptured. Just Ripped.

1 Jun

What’s up Interweb?!

So, yeah.  I took an unexpected hiatus.  I basically took a hiatus from everything including, but not limited to, cleaning my house, yard work, and checking anything off of my To Do List.   Things I didn’t take a hiatus from include eating ice cream, reading some really good books, humpy time with the Hubby, and piña coladas.

Since my last post, I am now the mother to an adorable, but extremely a-hole-ish, new puppy!  I forgot how much work a puppy can be, especially when you end up with an a-hole like Kemba.  Obviously, I love him, but he’s sort of evile.  As a matter of fact, as I type this I can hear his evil puppy growls and snarls as Hubby sternly repeats, “Kemba!  No bite!!”.  This has been going on for about 20 minutes.  We better break that dog’s spirit soon or I’m afraid we’re going to end up with a complete dickhead of a dog.

I can’t wait to read what you guys have been up to.  I missed you.  Seriously.  I’m not just saying that because I’m drunk.  As my classy girl, Snooki, would say, “I love you so much, I want you to get it in”.

Jersey Shore, Bitches!

To The Beautiful People

20 May

Dearest Readers:

Whoa.  What a week.  TGIF, right?

I’m sitting at work looking out the window like a sad puppy thinking about how wonderful you are, and how I wish we could enjoy a drink together sometime.  Wouldn’t that be great?

Thanks to all who take time out of their busy day to read and laugh at my B.S. 

Next time you’re creeping at pictures of people you haven’t seen in 20 years on Facebook, take a second to like my page. 

I hope to get back to posting rambling and useless (but funny) tweets now that school’s officially over.  So, you should follow me on Twitter.  I’ll follow you back.

I’ll be back on Monday (heaven definitely has internet, right?).

Look Into My Eyes,

DMTF

Finals. Hole-y Crap. Be Over.

13 May

Dear Readers:

Blah, blah, blah.  Finals suck.  Blah.

Also, thanks for reading.  Blippity, blope.

Twitter.  Follow you back.  Bleeg, blug. Blappy.

Facebook.  Blop biggity.

Blahg.

Ready To Get Courtney Cray-Cray, 

DMTF

Just Give Me a Minute…Ok. Thanks.

6 May

Dear Readers:

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  What a week.   I’m so glad it’s over.  Some things happened this week that I hope to blog about sooner rather than later, but since there’s always a chance that a  Boa Flinger is reading,  it will have to wait.

Thank goodness for this blog.  It keeps me sane….sort of.  Ok, nothing really keeps me sane, but I love hearing from you guys.  You always make laugh.

I can’t wait to kick back and relax this weekend, catch up on my favorite blogs, and order Hubby and Son around like slaves, because it’s Mother’s Day this weekend, and that’s what Mother’s Day is all about.  

Thanks to all for reading. Don’t forget to like my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter (I’ll follow you back). 

Feel free to give yourself and the moms in your life the gift of this blog for Mother’s Day.  It’s a gift that keeps on giving. 

Crackin’ the Whip,

DMTF

Do You Smell That?

15 Apr

Dear Readers:

I’d like to take a moment to remind you that even the most beautiful people in the world can make a face so ugly that you start to see the ugly in them all the time, and that makes me feel good.

As always, thanks for stopping by, leaving comments, and being extremely….cool.

Take a moment to like my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter (I’ll follow you back), and share this website with someone you care about.  It will change their life.  

No.  No it won’t.  But, it might make them laugh?

Have a great weekend.  I hope it’s warmer where you are than it is here, but I hope it rains because you can’t have it all. 

A-hole-ishly Yours,

DMTF

All Hail The Queen

8 Apr

Hiya!

Do you notice anything different about me? 

I’m wearing a new dress, silly.  I bought it for my coronation.  Coronation of what, you ask?  My coronation as QUEEN OF MOTHER F-IN APRIL FOOLS DAY, BEOTHES!

The world has spoken (by “world” I mean the 15 of you who voted)!  My April Fools Day joke was hilarious.  Thank you for agreeing.

Also, thank you for reading the blog.  As always, I appreciate your time.

Don’t forget to like my royal page on Facebook, follow the queen on Twitter (I’ll follow you back), and subscribe to Don’t Make That Face. 

Her Royal Highness,

DMTF

A Hilarious Blend of Sarcasm, Mockery , “Assholery” and Zero Self-Censorship

1 Apr

Dear Readers:

My diet/exercise routine is really working.  I need to carry around an oxygen tank and my hair is falling out, but I look great!  Am I right?!

A lot of fun and exciting things happened regarding the blog this week. 

For example, this week fellow blogger, Off The Pole, described this blog as:

A hilarious blend of sarcasm, mockery , “assholery” and zero self-censorship.

 I love that!

The beautiful Mermaid that Can’t Swim said:

Don’t Make That Face You wanna laugh? Go here. Enough said.

I also continue to connect with tons of nice, talented and funny people who hooked me up with this fun project.  I will be sure to blog about it.

Thanks to everyone who has spread the word about the blog.  I love my little bloggy blog and it makes me happy that others are enjoying it as well.

I would love, love, love if you liked my Facebook page and/or followed me on Twitter (I’ll follow you back!).

 

Like (but definitely not) a virgin,

DMTF

Read This Out Loud Without Moving Your Mouth

18 Mar

I hope everyone had a Happy St. Patty’s Day.  Did you get accosted by a leprechaun?  It’s not really St. Patrick’s Day unless you get some Drunky McDrunkard telling you how beautiful you are with hot stanky beer breath and a hiccup as an exclamation point. 

Thanks to everyone who has been checking in.  Also, welcome to everyone who is new here.  As you can see, this is a classy blog full of classiness and such.

The posts were a little light on content this week because I had midterms.  Yes, DMTF is in school.  I’m beginning to think I should drop out again, though.  It’s sooo much work.  But, I’m on Spring Break now and I plan on being a girl gone wild….at home….cleaning out my closets.  I might get really crazy and rotate my mattress, but I don’t know.  I don’t know if I want to get that insane in the membrane.

If you have a second, and you happen to be on Facebook (I know you’re on right now) you can like my fan page here

Please continue to check in and leave comments.  You guys are funny. 

(Super drunk, lifting my shirt screaming at the top of my lungs, red-faced, eye liner bleeding, lip gloss smeared, vacant stare, and off-balance)

Wish me a great Spring Break,

DMTF

Hmmmmm. You Don’t Say.

11 Mar

Sooooo glad this week is over.

Thanks to everyone who has been checking in.  I appreciate it.  People are actually reading this.  Huh. 

This site is expected to reach over 1,000 hits sometime next week and that’s really exciting for me since I’ve only been here a short time.  It’s sort of a big deal for me, so thanks.

Please continue to leave me comments.  I think you’re all hilarious and I love to hear what you have to say.  Also, please continue to spread the word.  Everyone is welcome to friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter. 

*A Tsunami of thanks,

DMTF

*Too soon?