Last Will and Testament of The Coolest Guy Eva’

21 Jun

I had another post all ready to go for today about bathroom phone calls and dealing with the inevitable flush, but then I read this new story, and thought I would share the heartwarming, heartbreaking, tear-jerker with you. 

Here are the CliffsNotes (do these even exist anymore?)  for those of you who just don’t have the energy to move the cursor to the link and double-click, for those of you who are reading this at work while your boss is on his phone in the bathroom and want me to just hurry the F up and get to the point, and for those of you who just don’t car fer da’ readin’ (what are you doing here?).  The article is about a 24 year-old British Royal Marine solider who was killed in Afghanistan.

In his will, this British Royal Marine solider (who I love without ever having met him) left approximately $150,000 to his friends for a big Vegas send-off.  He asked his friends, who have been grieving for over a year, to take the money and do it up gangsta’ style in Las Vegas in his memory.  He asked them to spend every dollar, rent the most expensive room, eat at the best restaurants, go out and party, and remember him while they’re doing it.  (If you’re not at least tearing up yet, please check the battery on your robot heart).

Or course there are those who have a problem with this.  But, I don’t care about those losers.  This kid also left his family money, and left a significant chunk of change to his favorite charity which helps disabled veterans.  So, suck it losers.

This young man put his life on the line everyday and realized, more than others, that life is a gift, and that it is way too short.  If he wanted to treat his friends to a weekend full of drinking, debauchery, gambling, dancing, Cher, and a possible orgy, then who the hell are we to judge?!

Personally, when it’s my time, I want people throwing themselves on my coffin-  because they’re really drunk and they know I would be cracking up at such a spectacle.  I would also want my friends to attempt a gospel version of  Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” while really pouring on the “soul” during the choir part.  I’m laughing just thinking about it.

How would you want to be sent off?

*A-hole-ish P.S.:  This is not a forum for you to debate your political views.  We all have our views, and we are all entitled to them.  The thing is, I just don’t want to read them here.  If I have offended you, then let me remind you that this is an a-hole-ish P.S.  Get over it.


27 Responses to “Last Will and Testament of The Coolest Guy Eva’”

  1. zohrbak June 21, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    I have my whole stinkin’ funeral planned out…I’ve go the music, the flowers, the photos that I will allow be shared with public onlookers, all of it…down. to. the. outfit. If anyone dresses me in a stiff uncomfortable outfit that binds my mid-section, I will come back and haunt every last one of the people who played a role in THAT decision. I want to wear a light jogging suit or the like. I want to be dressed for traveling, because I have no idea how long my trip will be, but I know for SURE that I will not be sitting in that damn hole for long. All I have to do now is pay for it. 🙂 I love the story about the soldier. That was awesome. And thanks for the cliff’s notes, I’m at work and appreciate your assistance in my quest to appear as though I am working. 🙂

    • Don't Make That Face June 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

      This is hilarious! I have a lot more planning to do. I trust then when I get to heaven I will be my idea weight so I better pack an overnight bag with the slinkiest most sexy dress I can find. Jesus will understand.

  2. But That's For Another Blog June 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

    That is awesome! I’m bummed he couldn’t be there to share it with them because he sounds like an AMAZING guy but wow, what a send off!!!

    • Don't Make That Face June 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

      It is very cool and very sad, but to have had that secret and just knowing that when you’re gone, you’re going to be able to do that for them would have been an amazing feeling. I’m poor so all my friends are getting is a keg by my casket so they can have one last drink with me.

  3. luke recker June 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    He was not a soldier, but a Royal Marine… You should make the correction since there is a significant difference both in the US and UK…

  4. marinasleeps June 21, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    That was so sad and yet so freaking awesome!!
    He was serving his country he can do whatever he damn well pleases with his mula!!
    I don’t have mine planned yet (well just the music selection with a little bit of Lynard Skynard and 50 cent) but I want it to rock. Like a Woodstock for me and drunkeness!

    Cause I like to party… send me to the after life partying!!

  5. thesinglecell June 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

    First of all, I want everyone to be devastated at my passing. Duh.

    Secondly, I want my gay friends to sing “I Say A Little Prayer For You.” They know why.

    Third, I want at least one man who loved me madly but was afraid to tell me to get up in front of the congregation and cry while he tells them that he should have told me while he had the chance.

    Fourth, I want everyone to go to someone’s house and drink afterward. (This is a family tradition.) And I want no one to feel awkward about having brought their camera, because I want them to laugh a lot and have a good time remembering me. ‘Tis many a family post-funeral party where I’ve wished I had my camera.

    • Don't Make That Face June 21, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

      This is great because I’m getting tons of ideas I have to write down somewhere. Drinks post-funeral are a must.
      I need to make somemore gay friends. My wheels are turning for sure.

  6. trailertrashdeluxe June 21, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    I want my obit. to read “Horrified at having had to endure him, are…”, rather than “Grateful to have known him, etc, are the following…” If I go of cancer, rather than heart disease, old age, or boredom, I DON’T want it to say that I “bravely battled” it. More like I “was bulldozed” by it. I want to pick out music that I like, so that people have to listen to MY crap for once. And yes, like several others have said, anyone who cared for me at all, and doesn’t have a drinking problem, must drink, to excess, in my honor.

    Oh, and I’ve thought for years that we should have funerals for each other while still alive, just to make our friends and relatives listen to all the mushy tributes we have for them.
    Bravo to that guy.

    • Don't Make That Face June 21, 2011 at 9:25 pm #

      All of these are great ideas and I totally agree with live funerals. I want to hear what everyone has to say and then laugh at them for being so sappy.

  7. thoughtsappear June 22, 2011 at 6:45 am #

    I’m a combination of the person too lazy to click as well as reading at work.

    I think that’s a really nice idea. It shows that yes family is very important but so are our friends.

  8. Anonymous Betty June 22, 2011 at 8:18 am #

    I heard about this ~ what an amazingly cool thing to do! I hope that when I die, my family throws a huge party! Much better to celebrate the life lived than to mourn the life lost. I know a lot of people disagree with that and think funeral parties are disrespectful, but how could they be if you’re actually respecting a deceased person’s wishes?

  9. Invisible Mikey June 22, 2011 at 11:01 am #

    I want a Viking funeral! I have absolutely no Viking heritage, but I like the idea of grilling the meat on a burning boat before feeding it to the fish. My non-Viking pals on shore could badly mix Norse with hip-hop and sing me off to “ValHOLLA”.

    • Don't Make That Face June 22, 2011 at 11:35 am #

      A Viking funeral! Awesome. They sure did know how to send someone off.
      And, if you’re not going to jump on that ValHOLLA, do you mind if I give it a try?

  10. 4kidsunder4 June 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

    He sounds amazing! I served as a U.S Marine for four years… Still have time on my contract but I’m inactive… For now =/ I know exactly how my funeral will go just because unfortunately I have seen far to many military funerals and I am a veteran…. But I definitely don’t want my family mourning… I hope they party with my all time fave thing to drink JACK DANIELS :]

    • Don't Make That Face June 22, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

      First of all thanks for your service. Secondly, jack would make friends fight. I think we’d be better off with beer.

      • 4kidsunder4 June 23, 2011 at 1:16 am #

        Thank you for your thank you! Yeah I tend to like those “make ’em wanna fight” drinks LOL Jack and Jose are my faves =P

      • Don't Make That Face June 23, 2011 at 10:04 am #

        OMG! Jose makes me get all crying fighting loving drunk. Know what I mean? Like, “What did you just say to me? You better shut your mouth! I can’t believe you would say that about me. Why would you make me want to fight you? I love you. I looooove you *tears, snot, running mascara*.

        Lets just say I don’t drink much Jose anymore.

  11. mindslam June 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    Thanks for sharing…that is awesome. Forget the ones that have a problem with it….some uptight punks are gonna have a problem with everything. Just like the people that picket in front of strip clubs….IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM, DON’T GO!

  12. accidentalstepmom June 23, 2011 at 12:33 am #

    This is badass. Strangely, I’m reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (still looking for the part about going back to bed and eating cookies, but so far, no luck) and they have a part about planning your funeral. Well, technically you’re supposed to imagine what people would say about you when you die, and then live your life to make that shit true. So far all I have is playing some Iron Maiden, and then all of my friends doing impersonations of your Wuelita.

    • Don't Make That Face June 23, 2011 at 10:07 am #

      Oooooh reely? I miss joo when joo die. Joo is beddy phoney. And all joo keeds? Oh my *blesses herself and then you*. Les no toke abow eet any moore. Eets no good.

  13. Crystal June 23, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    I’m with ya! When I go, I want people to celebrate my life! I have no doubt that a few will grieve, and that’s ok…for a minute. Then? I want them to party like hell and send me off in style! I want them to smile and laugh and talk about all the messed up stunts I’ve pulled. All the times I cracked them up, made them feel better when they were having a crappy day, etc. I want to be remembered with laughs and smiles and yes, one heck of a party!

    I think this guy had the right idwa, and I commend him for his service AND for wanting those he lived to live it up on his dime, in his honor!

    • Don't Make That Face June 24, 2011 at 11:17 am #

      Exactly! Obviously, some people will be upset. Some might not. But, either way, I want people to celebrate my life, not mourn it.

  14. June 28, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    I gotta admit, that sounds like a helluva send off to me too. My family already knows I am to be cremated, have no visitation, no funeral, no burial, part of my ashes are to be separated for my children, and the rest is to stay in the urn and be put on the shelf of the saloon I used to work in. There I want all my friends to get drunk, play my favorite songs on the jukebox, and talk about what a riot and pain in the ass I was. Now that sounds like a good way to go to me. To be honest, I think funerals are one of the most horrifying traditions still active today. Ugh!

    • Don't Make That Face June 28, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

      Funerals are creepy and sad. Also, they don’t really give me closure. I find closure on my own through memories. The only reason why I want one is because I want someone to throw themselves on my coffin. 🙂

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