♫♪ Hoppy Bearthday Dear Wuelita, Hoppy Bearthday To Joooo ♫♪

7 Jun

A new thrift store opened up last week and Wuelita is dying  to go.  I know she wants me to take her, but whenever she brings it up, I quickly change the subject. 

Wuelita loves thrift stores.  She sometimes finds really cute stuff.  In fact, one of my favorite summer clutches is a Wuelita find.  But, if I didn’t re-donate 97% of what she buys me at thrift stores, they would go out of business.  Just this weekend she gifted me a pair of white sweatpants, a black sweatshirt with “Cape Cod” stitched with silver thread, and a blue baseball cap and insisted I try it all on for her.  It was 90 degrees outside.  But, that’s not why I don’t want to take her to the new thrift store.

Our last outing to the local Goodwill started off completely normal.  I grabbed a cart and followed Wuelita around as she searched every.single.rack., and when she wandered off to the shoes, I quickly rummaged through her cart to make sure everything was…appropriate.  

*SIDE NOTE:  Wuelita once bought a t-shirt featuring an iron-on Burt Reynolds on the front (she thinks he’s sooo handsome).  Turns out, “Burt” was really just some random 70s porn star with a really thick mustache.  The back of the shirt read “Free mustache rides”.  Needless to say, I now own that kick-ass shirt.

We were in the car pulling out of the thrift store parking lot when I dropped my phone.  When I leaned over to pick it up, I noticed Wuelita had on what appeared to be a brand new pair of Nike walking shoes. 

Me:  Wuelita, are those new shoes?

Wuelita:  Watch dee road, Sweedy.

Me:  Did you just buy those?

Wuelita:  Do joo like?

Me:  Yeah.  They look brand new.

Wuelita:  I know!  Eets a goo deel.

Me:  Wait, I didn’t see those in your cart.

Wuelita:  *stares out the window*

Me:  Didn’t you have tie dyed flip-flops on? 

Wuelita:  Joo hungry, Sweedy?  Joo wanna ham-bear-gair? 

Me:  WUELITA!!  Did you steal those?!

Wuelita:  NOO!  I jus leeb my ole shoes dair and I poot dees shoes on.  Any whey, eets dee same.

Me:  Ummm, I don’t think–

Wuelita:  Eeets no goo to bee nosey!  Joo hungry or no?!

This is my grandmother, and I love her.

Happy Birthday, Wuelita.


19 Responses to “♫♪ Hoppy Bearthday Dear Wuelita, Hoppy Bearthday To Joooo ♫♪”

  1. Pkitass June 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    Ha ha ha ha ha! Your Wuelita is hardcore.

  2. Invisible Mikey June 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    If joo see a Whal-mart, joo led me know.

    ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Doña sweedy!

  3. Miz Parker June 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    I love her. And I want that mustache rides shirt.

  4. marinasleeps June 7, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    Thats hilarious!
    I love your grandmother! I love her sticky fingers.

  5. lexy3587 June 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    hilarious! I want to be a grandmother like her one day 🙂

  6. Mutterschwester June 7, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

    Sounds like it really was a good deal!

  7. Amy June 7, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Your writing of her accent is just priceless. “Eeets no goo to bee nosey! Joo hungry or no?!” Cracking up!

  8. metrocakegirl June 7, 2011 at 9:38 pm #

    I want to go thrift store shopping with you and Wuelita!

  9. Nicole, the Queen of this life June 7, 2011 at 11:13 pm #

    LOL I needed this laugh tonight. I love your Wuelita stories. I just love them!

  10. momfog June 7, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

    Wuelita used some good logic, in my opinion. One donation for another. I love reading these stories!

  11. fnkybee June 8, 2011 at 7:47 am #

    I love your grandma stories! That make me chuckle and smile!

  12. irratebass June 8, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    I want to see that Burt shirt!

  13. KristenSays June 8, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    any whey, eets dee same…

    love wuelita!!! 😀

  14. Thypolar June 8, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    I love Wuelita!! Will she adopt me? I’ve had all my shots!

  15. julie June 9, 2011 at 12:53 pm #

    another great Wuelita story. funny – I’ve never seen you in that t-shirt before….

  16. accidentalstepmom June 9, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

    It’s totally the same, one pair of shoes for another. She’s awesome. I want to send her bacon.

  17. pissykittyslitterbox.com June 12, 2011 at 6:50 am #

    Grandma’s a clepto! Ha..ha..ha..ha..


  1. Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my door to comfort me with words of the impending Zombie Apocalypse. « detrimentalbeauty - June 22, 2011

    […] must get advice…. Who to turn to? Oh yes, Twitter can help. Must ask @DMTFace. Maybe she has WUELITA advice for me or maybe she will just act like her advice came from Wuelita and spell it […]

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