There’s Definitely a Limit to My “Greenness”

12 May

I was sitting in class the other night, slamming my coffee, and struggling to keep my heightened level of annoyance in check when my classmate passed me this note:

Suicide Note

My heart immediately went out to her.  The only thing that could make this round of finals any worse would be f-in period cramps. *shudder*

As I frantically searched my backpack for a tampon my mind wandered (obviously) to a Google Search I once conducted entitled “green alternatives to feminine hygiene products”:

1.  The Diva Cup  is inserted into the vagina, collects the menstrual flow, and can be used up to 12 hours and then removed after being full. The menstrual cup is easily washed.

PERFECT!  I love to clean when I have my period! Although I would prefer to do everyone else’s dirty dishes (and laundry, and cleaning, and vacuuming) when Aunt Flo is in town, I would love to also have to wash my period cup!  Is it dishwasher safe? Do I use the pots and pan cycle?

2.  The Jade and Pearl Sea Sponge Tampon is a natural sponge from the ocean that is inserted like a regular tampon. They are highly absorbable and reusable so you can remove, wash it, and re-insert again many times.

Nice!  Having faint inducing cramps and feeling as inflated as a hot air balloon sparks my domestic goddess flame.  Wash my tampon for reuse?  AWESOME! (Pause for Sponge Bob Square Pants/Carrie visual.)

3.  The Sckoon Organic Cotton Cloth Menstrual Pads are reusable pads made of organic cotton that was not bleached or produced with the help of other harmful chemicals. They are also easy on your pocket because they can be used many times after proper washing and care.

Oh, pretty!  They come in such lovely patterns.  I’m sure they’ll look just like new after every wash.  Am I right, ladies?!

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a tampon for my friend.  But, I did share my Google search story which I thought was pretty funny. 

Her?  Not so much.


28 Responses to “There’s Definitely a Limit to My “Greenness””

  1. Nicole Welkener May 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    OMG SERIOUSLY! What on earth are women thinking, that any of these would be a better alternative to life? I mean shit, I can’t even handle hearing the Always commercials with their “Have a happy period” slogans. I think a man must’ve thought this crap up.

  2. Miz Parker May 12, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    My friend Nina did a two-part review on the Diva Cup, which is hilarious. You can read it here:

    • Don't Make That Face May 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

      I can’t wait to read it! Also can’t wait to drop by and see what you’ve been up to.

      • Miz Parker May 13, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

        I’ve been so ridiculously busy, I haven’t done much lately except for a tribute to my crazy mama. 🙂

  3. thesinglecell May 12, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    Reusable menstrual products could not be a more disgusting concept. I heard about the Diva Cup recently. How does that not make a horrific crime scene looking mess when you take it out and drop it because it’s slippery? And I’m with Nicole – I don’t need a commercial to tell me how stupendous a “new”/modified product is. I know what I need. Leave me alone and don’t make me watch those commercials while my boyfriend sits next to me.

    • Don't Make That Face May 12, 2011 at 1:11 pm #

      It’s not my thing. Also, could you imagine if guys had to deal with this? I thought dirty socks and underwear all over the place was bad. Yuck.

  4. bschooled May 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

    You obviously haven’t tried the Edward Cullen reusable pad.

    Now I actually look forward to having my period!

    • Don't Make That Face May 12, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

      That’s exactly where I want Edward Cullen! 6 days and counting! Hurry up period!

  5. SimonAndRoni May 12, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

    Those new Kotex commercials are the worst, I think. They made the wrappers all colorful and bold. – For all the hip, young girls who are so confident in their periods that they happily pull a brightly colored, tie-dyed package out of their backpacks in the middle of math class on their way to the bathroom.

    • Don't Make That Face May 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

      I don’t care if those companies wrap those tampons up in a precious little box, wrap the box with Vera Bradley wrapping paper, and attach a dainty little Tiffany’s charm to it. It’s still a tampon and girls will continue to smuggle them to eachother.

  6. irratebass May 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    I have learned more about Aunt-Flo with this post…..will I really need this in life? LOL

  7. Mutterschwester May 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    Passing notes in class. And passing tampons, too. Tsk tsk.

    Really, though, I happen to know someone who uses the re-usable pads. When I asked her about it, she said it’s actually not as bad as it seems, especially after dealing with kids and their accidents. Still, I don’t think I could do it since I have the choice. What did Laura Ingalls do??

    • Don't Make That Face May 12, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

      To each her own. I just think that after cleaning up after kids, why put yourself through having to wash your pads?
      I’m sure that as Laura, Mary and Caroline Ingalls were ripping up old rags they would pray that someone would come up with an idea for an invention that would stick to your panties (hate that word), have wings that would protect from leakage, be super absorbent and dispensable. If only someone would invent something like that.

      • momfog May 12, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

        Panties. Panty-liner. 🙂

        Good God, enough with the “Green!” Let’s be responsible, not repulsive.

      • Don't Make That Face May 13, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

        I agree. Panties.

  8. LA Juice May 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    I too have taken your path and come to the same conclusions, despite being both a Diva and wondering what its like to wear a cup- the “green” alternatives gross me out in crazy ways!

    • Don't Make That Face May 13, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

      It would much more interesting if you had to wear the cup on the outside. I might consider it, then. I would wear the extra large and let the guys wonder about my vadge size.

  9. accidentalstepmom May 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    I haven’t met a Diva that would even consider the concept of the Diva cup. Thank you for the Sponge Bob/ Carrie visual. It blocked out the one I was having about Sea Monkeys.

  10. Amy May 12, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    Spongebob/Carrie visual = Awesome!

    Some things should never be reusuable: toilet paper, tampons/pads and condoms. There are probably more things but thinking about it is making me pukey.

  11. Ells May 13, 2011 at 8:37 am #

    Ok, time for blatant product endorsement – NatraCare pads and tampons… 95% biodegradable, made of organic or natural materials, are not bleached with harmful chemicals and are disposable.

    I can’t bring myself to use one of these green re-usable contraptions (yuk!), but I try to use these as much as possible as they biodegrade better than ordinary products – though they are much harder to find.

    • Don't Make That Face May 13, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

      These I would consider. I don’t see “Washable” or “Reusable” anywhere in your description.

  12. KristenSays May 13, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    remember ladies, these are just like eye makeup: to avoid passing infections, do not share with your friends.

  13. Thypolar May 13, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    I sharethe humor in your google search. Just in case you hadn’t realized it, your fingerprints are now ALL OVER her suicide note!

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