What? Wednesday- Put Down Your Guns, Slap Your Children

27 Apr

This is how all conflicts, no matter how big or small, should be handled from now on. 

Boss up in your face?  Slap duel.

Need a way to end the war in Afghanistan?  Slap war.

Evil witch steal your parking spot?  Slap it out. (More on this tomorrow)

I need to find this little boy and train from him.  He will be my Mr. Miyagi, my Kung Fu slap master.  He will break my spirit by forcing me to practice my slap skills on a pin cushion until my hands are raw and bleeding.  He will laugh at my pain as he bitch slaps me over and over again with the back of his hand.   

After months of grueling training, and only after I have gained his respect, will he allow me to study him, learn from him, and ultimately master his ancient slap fight secrets. 

Yes, Sensei!  That’s exactly what I’ll do.

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20 Responses to “What? Wednesday- Put Down Your Guns, Slap Your Children”

  1. Mutterschwester April 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

    Great. Now I have Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Two Tribes” in my head.

    The kid totally got the better of the guy. It’s a step up from the surprise-hand-smack game that’s so much fun with a toddler.

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

      Ahhh, yes. The Surprise hand smack to the face game. That was always a blast.

  2. KristenSays April 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    i don’t have kids. i suppose there are rules against slapping someone else’s children? but if there are any hidden clauses [i.e. “it’s OK to slap someone else’s children when they spit on your shoe”], could you let me know?

    *no children were harmed in the writing of this comment

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

      There are definitely rules about slapping other people’s children. However, I don’t think there’s anything that says you can’t trip a kid who is running in the store while yelling at his mom he hates her.

  3. SisterMerryHellish April 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    Holy Hell! That kid is serious!

    Who wants to place bets now that he’s into S&M before he hits Junior High?

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

      That kid is definitely no joke. He scares me. He’ll make some freak very happy someday. Also, are you into the Royal Wedding as much as I am? What’s your take on the whole thing?

  4. Thypolar April 27, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    Off to slap a ho! Thanks for the inspiration 🙂 If I don’t return, tweet Mr T and tell him to come bail be out!

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

      LOL! The trick is to make it a “game”. Do you need some training? This kid may be able to help you.

  5. momfog April 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm #

    The man was a total wuss. He actually shielded his face and flinched. The kid just took it. Pathetic.

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

      I know! I especially love the slap at around the 0:40 mark. That little boy really gives it.

  6. fnkybee April 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm #

    Now if you will excuse me I have to go Slap my bitch up! That’s right and I will blare that song while I’m slapping the bitch! *SLAP*

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

      LOL! I hear that song when I think about slapping certain people. Other times I hear the end of Eric Claptons “Layla”. Very dramatic.

  7. Amy April 27, 2011 at 3:52 pm #

    That kid is hard-core! He would “sweep the leg” in a heartbeat.
    To be fair, though, it looks like the dad was holding back. He didn’t appear to be giving the kid all he had. You don’t bring your tickle hand to a slap-fight, man.

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm #

      “You don’t bring your tickle hand to a slap-fight, man”. I love that.
      I totally agree, however, I think if they would have continued for a few minutes, we would have seen that kids teeth fly out. That little boy was not holding back.

  8. Jeane April 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    Fuck…I am afraid to go to sleep now.

    • Don't Make That Face April 28, 2011 at 9:50 am #

      This is kid is viscious. I would totally back down from him in a fight. All he has to do is raise that hand.

  9. Pkitass April 28, 2011 at 2:56 am #

    *slap!

  10. marinasleeps April 28, 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    How about slapping some ass … where my bitches at? Damnit, I forgot my baby powder!!

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