So Many Princes, So Little Time

26 Apr

Please note I wrote this post dressed in my royal wedding attire- my wedding dress from 1998, black finger-less knit gloves that I’m pretending are dainty white lace gloves, the Easter bonnet I wore when I was five, and a black paten leather purse Wuelita gave me sits gingerly on lap.  Instead of a cup of tea, however, I’m drinking a pint of Guinness out of my 1995 Homecoming Queen mug.  I’m also a little drunk.

I’m into the royal wedding.  I admit it.  Don’t judge… or do.  I would.

First of all, well done, Waity Katie.  Well done.  *slow clap*

You’ve waited eight loooong years for your day.  It’s so close you can taste it.  I bet it tastes like chocolate covered strawberries or really smooth tequila. 

If on the off-chance the Royal CIA finds out about your booze-filled stripper days before you and Will have a chance to make it official (getting knocked up would seal the deal- just saying), here’s a list of Princely alternates:

Prince Harry:

Pros:  First of all, good for Prince Harry!  He he had the whole ginger thing going against him, but he was able to overcome adversity to become the hotter brother.  He’s also a little wild as far as English monarch aristocracy goes. 

I love me a bad boy. 

Cons:  He’s a ginger.  His name is Harry (perhaps you’re more mature than I am, and can overlook that).  He also once dressed up as a Nazi for a costume party.  The Royal Etiquette police really dropped the ball on that one, wouldn’t you say, chaps?

Prince Charming

Pros:  He can slay a dragon.  He’s incredibly handsome.  He’s charming.

Cons:  His tendency to wear tights and break into song makes me think he sort of leans toward the pink end of the man spectrum, if you know what I mean.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the gays, but I wouldn’t want a husband that’s prettier than me. 

Prince of Darkness

Pros:  He lives in warm climate.  The two of you have become really good friends since you cemented your business deal- the one wherein you sold your soul to him in exchange for a crown. 

Cons:  He’s the devil.  He can be temperamental.  He’s clingy.

Prince Chunk

Pros:  He’s cute.  You would look really skinny standing next to him.  He’ll want to cuddle afterwards.

Cons:  He’s lazy.  He’s Harry hairy.  He’s a pussy.

Prince (as in the artist)

Pros:  Too many to  name.

Cons:  He’s prettier than you. (*See Prince Charming*)

Congrats to the royal couple.  I look forward to years of stalking and judging you.

Cheerio!

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28 Responses to “So Many Princes, So Little Time”

  1. mairedubhtx April 26, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Enjoy the wedding!

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

      Thank you, dear. I just hope Camilla doesn’t act up. We all know how she can be.

      • Ells April 28, 2011 at 4:57 am #

        Hey – leave off Cammilla! She was what’s his faces first love, you know… it’s kind of sweet that they’ve ended up together after all those years.

        And if she does act up, I think it’d be justified – no one made this much fuss about HER wedding. I could understand a little jealousy! 😉

      • Don't Make That Face April 28, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

        Fair enough. I’ll lay off of Camilla. And, you’re right. I can’t even remember her wedding to Prince Charles.

  2. Boochen Sundance April 26, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    I’m sorry, what is this about?

    btw, I saw Prince on the Purple Rain tour. Uh huh. You may be jealous.

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

      LOL!
      I’m so jealous! I love him. I see him everytime he comes to town.

  3. momfog April 26, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    “He’s the devil. He can be temperamental. He’s clingy.”

    Nice.

    I never would’ve pegged you for a Royal Wedding kind of gal. Are you seriously going to be up at 5:00 am to watch? I wouldn’t get up that early for my own wedding.

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

      I remember watching Princess Diana’s wedding with my mom. I was in kindergarten and she was a real life princess. I’ve been hooked ever since.
      I will be recording the wedding festitivies and waiting until I get home from work to get dolled up and watch it. Also, it’s on at 3:00 a.m. my time.

      • momfog April 26, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

        Hmm. That would be a fun thing to do with my girls. The oldest is 8 but she still loves the idea of real life princesses. Tea and scones, yum.

  4. SimonAndRoni April 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    I was just invited to a royal wedding party, starting at 4:30am with an english breakfast and mimosas. If I was in town for it I would have gone just for the mimosas.

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

      Really?! I don’t usually start with the mimosas until at least 6:00 a.m., but this is the perfect excuse to tie one on earlier. Seriously, if I could get my butt out of bed, I would have hosted something like this.

  5. marinasleeps April 26, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    Prince Chunk? Like from the goonies???
    I saw Enchanted over the weekend …. and Prince Charming was totally into himself. So he was gay for himself.
    WTF!
    To each his own I guess.

  6. Sweetrivers April 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    I just heard about the royal wedding today on the radio but then again I normally don’t listen to the news, so sorry I’m behind. Oh Please have a mimosa for me please. Cherio, pip pip and all that rot. Later. Oh and I want to celebrate with chips not fries.

  7. Mutterschwester April 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    I’m not into it, but I get why people want to see. Maybe I’ll DVR it so I can watch it all really fast. Still, people need to lay off the hate. I’m rooting for these two to have their eyes open and their compromising abilities in gear so they can pull through.

    Now if Purple Rain Prince were involved, you couldn’t keep me away. Mmmmmmm.

  8. nursemyra April 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    I’ll take the Prince of Darkness thanks

  9. jaerae1971 April 26, 2011 at 6:21 pm #

    I’m so into this wedding too! I’m Tivo-ing, but I’ll probably be up early enough to be right on time. To bad we aren’t in the same time zone, we could totally drink our way through this one together.

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

      We would have a blast. I wish we could watch it together. The best part is that I have to work that day. I could go to work toasted and sleep it off on my lunch break.

      • jaerae1971 April 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

        Sleeping it off on lunch break….now I know why I like you.

  10. bschooled April 26, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    It still fascinates me how “Homely Harry in a Highchair” suddenly became “Hot Harry on a Horse”.

  11. Invisible Mikey April 26, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    Our TiVo is already filling up with all the pre-game specials. She (who must be obeyed) is a rabid royal-watcher. When we were there, I fed the birds and squirrels while she ooohed and aaahed for hours over the displays of Di’s old dresses. (I’m going to need a lot of veddy old scotch to get through this…)

    • Don't Make That Face April 26, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

      I would love to visit Great Britain. It is on my list of dream vacations. Oogling over Di’s old dresses would be a dream come true. You’ll know when I finally make it to England because of the new stories about that nutty American that got arrested for trying to squeeze one of her butt cheeks into one of Di’s dresses.

  12. LA Juice April 27, 2011 at 1:47 pm #

    Oh I’d have to take a ride on Harry- just for the fun and pre-nup shenanigans that the Queen Mothra would ensue. No It’ would not last, but I’d create such a scandal (not too big a scandal, don;t want to end up run over in Paris, you know) just scandalous enough that they’d pay me just to shut my stupid mouth. Then I’d buy a lovely house in Malibu where I could invite Prince over to perform purple rain concerts.

    • Don't Make That Face April 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

      You are brilliant! I love everything about your plan- everything from the “ride” to the cautiousness to the Prince concert! I guess great minds do think alike.

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