Boys are Made of Frogs and Snails and Puppy-Dog Tails

19 Apr

It is with great joy that I introduce you to the newest member of the DMTF household, Duke Kemba Red De Los Santos de Sevilla (Kemba for short):

King of Cute

I was going to wait on the birth announcement until he grew less mole-looking and more Cockapoo-looking, but the excitement was too much for me handle. 

Here he is again:

Shhh. Can you hear my ovaries bursting?

Kemba needs to stay with his birth mother for a few more weeks, but believe me when I tell you that my uterus aches with the need to caress this creature.  I yearn to lay his warm fuzzy puppy body against my chest and breathe in his puppy breath.  I want to hold him up to my face and gaze into his puppy eyes as I envision a future full of puppy cuteness, flower costumes, and dog booties.  I want to swaddle him in the softest of baby blankets, warm him a bottle, powder and diaper his fuzzy little puppy butt, and carry him around in a car seat.  I can’t wait to get him home.   

You may think my love for Kemba is a little over the top.  I totally agree.  My undying love is not the biggest problem, however.  You see, I wanted a girl dog.  I already have a boy dog.   This time, I wanted a small, pink ribbons in her hair, doggy nails polished, pink tutu wearing, girly girl of a dog.  Alas, it was not meant to be.  All the females in Kemba’s litter were spoken for, and there was no way my womb would withstand the wait until late October for the new litter.  So, I settled for the runt. 

Luckily, I’ve come up with a solution.  I’ve decided to raise Kemba as a girl dog.  Hubby and Son have made it clear that any attempt I make to present Kemba as a girl will be met with fierce opposition.  They have threatened to turn him against me by rough housing with him, and teaching him to fetch.  Son said he would make it his personal mission to discourage Kemba from sitting on my lap.  Do you see what I’m dealing with? 

My intention was to conduct a poll and let you guys decide whether or not I’m completely nuts (he-he).  Instead, I’ve made an executive decision.  

Kemba and I will have a secret.  When no one is looking I will whisper into his ear that she’s such a pretty girl.  I will remind her how much Mama loves her little girl.  When no one is home I will dress her up in puppy evening gowns and doggy heels.   I will also teach Takeo how to clap for his sister as she promenades around the living room in her puppy bikini. 

It should be noted that I just took a break to look at the Kemba pictures, again, and I’m pretty sure I just felt the milk come in.  My boobs are rock hard.

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37 Responses to “Boys are Made of Frogs and Snails and Puppy-Dog Tails”

  1. Craig & Joe Ardolino April 19, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Awwww, what a beauty!

  2. Thypolar April 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

    Om my god he (she) is adorable!

  3. Invisible Mikey April 19, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    How adorable! I know dogs that act like girls when with their human Mommies, and like boys when with guys. Especially once neutered so that gender stuff becomes less relevant to them. They’ll do anything to please.

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

      That’s how I feel! Takeo, my Labradoodle, is a completely different dog with me. He’s cuddly and calm. He’s much different with my son. They wrestle and run around. Takeo won’t play that way with me. So, Kemba will be fine, and a pretty girl.

  4. Miz Parker April 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    Awww, what a widdle sweetie!

  5. Boochen Sundance April 19, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    We should start a fund now for Kemba’s eventual therapy sessions. S/he is indeed adorable. In an oddly alien kind of way.

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

      I know. Poor Kemba. It’s great that she can’t talk. It will save me tons of money. At least she’ll look adoreable sitting sitting in that big chair at the therapist’s office.

  6. lexy3587 April 19, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    SO cute!

  7. Sweetrivers April 19, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    It’s a cutie. Show us more pics as it grows up please.

  8. Amy April 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    I want to put that puppy in my mouth! Or, maybe just chew on his little ears a bit. What is it with cuteness that makes you just want you to consume it?

    I don’t think a dog can have an identity crisis, so raise him as a girl. It’s not what you say to a dog, it’s how you say it. I call my dog an idiot all the time, but I do it in a sweet, sing-song voice so she thinks she’s the best dog ever.

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      Babies, puppies and kittens, I just want to eat them up.

      You’re totally right. They don’t care what you call them as long as you love them. Some may think the love I am about to shower on that puppy can be called abuse, but I don’t think there’s such thing as too much lovin.

  9. accidentalstepmom April 19, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    HOLY SHIT THAT PUPPY IS EIGHTY BAJILLION KINDS OF CUTE!!!! I, too, want to eat him. Pretty away, he’ll be fine. Runts rule, by the way. Our runt (the Fuggle) is like the fiercest protector you’ll ever find. Which is hilarious, being that he weighs like twelve pounds, and has sideways feet. Yay runts!!!

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

      We should photoshop a picture of your new nephew with Kemba and then use it to foster peace in the Middle East, cure cancer and get the bank manager to let us into the vault. There isn’t a lot that much cute couldn’t do.

  10. mairedubhtx April 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    Queen of Cute

  11. marinasleeps April 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    Your fucking crazy. I like that!
    I say do it!
    Do you breed cockapoos?!?1 I want one!!!

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

      I’m totally nuts. No way! I could never breed any sort of dog because I would want to keep them all. I found a breeder in the area.

  12. Melissa April 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm #

    “she” is beautiful!!!! And yes you should definitely raise her as a girl dog. for sho.

  13. Tristram Lowe April 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    “I’m a boy, I’m a boy, but my mom won’t admit it!” Sorry, made me think of The Who song right away. Anyone? What a wonderful little cutie *she* is! I can tell you are a terrific mom. Hope to have one of my own someday, when I have the space and time. Right now it’s a couple of *actual* girl cats who are still trying to figure out how to get along.

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

      Love that song. I like cats, but I don’t want to stir the pot with Takeo. It’s going to be hard enough for him to accept Kemba. I may have to start carrying around a fake puppy for a few weeks to get him used to the idea.

  14. KristenSays April 19, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    “Chandler’s a girl! Chandler’s a girl!” [please tell me you used to watch Friends]

    OK do you see how she’s raising her pinky toe in that first picture? definitely a girl.

    hold on *scroll to picture*

    yep, girl.

    i have to look at those pictures again

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

      I LOVED FRIENDS! I own every episode, and you’re right. This is the best argument for girl Kemba I’ve heard.

  15. momfog April 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

    Cute puppy, but I lost the mommy impulse for pets around child #3. I suspect it will return once #5 leaves the house in 18 years or so.

    • Don't Make That Face April 19, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

      I don’t blame you. People have told me they get the same feelings from babies, but I’ll stick to pets for awhile. They’re more appreciative. I kid, of course. Sort of.

  16. Redneckprincess April 19, 2011 at 11:27 pm #

    Awwwwwe…She is a beauty!! 🙂 Good luck with that by the way…

  17. Dog Whistle April 20, 2011 at 3:57 am #

    Aww Awesome post, I own six Bloodhounds and four Greyhounds, there so much fun.

  18. According to Gus April 20, 2011 at 8:01 am #

    Kemba is adorable!! Congratulations! We sooo miss the puppy stage…enjoy every minute of it! 🙂

    • Don't Make That Face April 20, 2011 at 8:32 am #

      My other “puppy” is 8, and I have puppy amnesia. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure you just bring them home, and they housetrain themselves, right? I think that’s how it works. 😉

  19. Jean C. April 22, 2011 at 5:22 am #

    You know I think Elton johns mother probably said the same thing to him :p

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