Wish I Would Have Known

12 Apr

From Yahohomimi on Flickr

A Michigan Applebee’s has recently come under fire for serving a toddler  “apple juice spiked with an alcoholic margarita mix magical goodness“.  I wouldn’t have thought to mix the two, but now I can’t wait to try it. 

Fortunately, the drunken baby is ok, but, apparently, this isn’t the first time a mix up like this has happened at an Applebee’s.  Before the A-Rita (see what I did there?)  incident an Applebee’s employee served a  5 year-old a Long Island Iced Tea.  A Long Island Iced Tea.  That’s the drink equivalent to a Vicodin!

The mother of the toddler said she knew her son was drunk because:

“I mean within minutes his eyes were glazed, he started behaving so peculiar, laughing uncontrollably, licking the bread basket that was on the table…”
Ok.  Personally, what that mom described sounds exactly like every toddler I’ve ever met.  Kudos to her for coming to the conclusion that Jr. was wasted.  I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference since I think toddlers act like alcoholics most of the time anyway:
  1. They can hardly walk.
  2. You can’t understand 90% of what they’re saying.
  3. They pee their pants.
  4. They can be hilariously silly (e.g. licking the bread basket).
  5. They can have really shitty attitudes, and usually need to sleep it off. 
  6. They drool all over themselves.
  7. They shove food in their faces and only get 1/3 of it into their mouths.
  8. When they get pissed off, they can clear a room by making everyone feel uncomfortable and sorry for their parents.
  9. They’re co-dependant.
  10. They can be emotionally abusive.

I can’t stop thinking of this A-Rita!  After I drink my lunch, I’m going to start the rumor on Son’s Facebook page that Applebee’s serves to everyone so long as they use the code word “Juice”.  Then, I’m going to take him and a bunch of his friends there for dinner tonight.


14 Responses to “Wish I Would Have Known”

  1. offthepole April 12, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    I’d like to thank that lady for ruining the perfect remedy for a night out for drinks when you don’t have a babysitter. I guess I’ll go get my kids plowed at Red Robin now.

    • Don't Make That Face April 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

      I know! Why couldn’t she take one for the team? Her baby was fine. She should have just enjoyed his extra long nap and over the top happiness. He would have eventually sobered up.

  2. Thypolar April 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    LMAO! Ooh Ooh Ooh, Can I come too?

  3. marinasleeps April 12, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Tsk Tsk …. Some women … I bet her kid was behaving a little tipsy but behaving!… I hope she enjoys the regular routine now (kid screaming and trying to get out of the chair).
    Hell Applebees is a family resturant. They treat your kids like they do there own!
    Its not in the old days … getting drunk with grandpa was bonding!! Now you can’t get drunk!

    • Don't Make That Face April 12, 2011 at 2:13 pm #

      LOL! I know, she ruined it for the rest of us.
      I remember my dad giving me a sip of his beer and there when I was little. No harm done….I don’t think.

  4. Craig & Joe Ardolino April 12, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    Wish they’d serve me a real drink for a juice price! 2-4-1 juice bar.

    • Don't Make That Face April 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

      That’s an excellent point! Happy hour would include juice prices. Sign me up.

  5. charlywalker April 12, 2011 at 7:25 pm #

    So the Tot got juiced at Applebees…when did they lower the drinking age?

    Very funny post.

    spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com

  6. SandySays1 April 13, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    I’d heard about the Applebees and have considered putting a daiper on, visiting, and ordering juice for myself. I bet they’ll have a hard time explaining a drunk Golden Retriever doing back flips in their parking lot.

    • Don't Make That Face April 13, 2011 at 9:45 am #

      LOL! I would skip the diaper, and instead disguise yourself as a seeing eye dog. That’s your best bet. 🙂

  7. momfog April 14, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

    Olive Garden is also in the business of getting kids wasted. Sangria for orange juice. Fabulous. The mom took the kid to the emergency room. After 1/2 cup. Get a grip, lady.

    • Don't Make That Face April 14, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

      I’ll take my nephews to the Olive Garden. Better food, better drinks, breadsticks, sold. I agree. If it were my kid they only thing I would be freaking out about is deciding which book I would curl up with while he slept it off. I figure I would have had at least 3 hours if uninterrupted quiet time.

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