The Power of Voodoo. Who Do? You Do.

7 Apr

My grandpa used to practice SanteriaI don’t believe in it, but it is a part of my culture I find interesting and unique. 

Grandpa’s “voodoo” room was very mysterious.  It had a makeshift alter lit by candles, bowls full of fruit, statues, and caramel squares I would covet from afar because, even though I didn’t believe in his practices, there was no way I was stepping foot in that room.

I don't believe in voodoo, but I'm not going to say anything a-hole-ish.

As we got older, my sisters, cousins and I would make fun of the voodoo room.  We would crack jokes about how grandpa was probably just watching wrestling or picking his lottery numbers in there in an attempt to get some peace and quiet.  As we got older, we would mock the voodoo chants we heard, and pretend to become enchanted.  These particular jokes were usually followed by nervous laughter and uncomfortable moments of silence as we silently made peace with the voodoo spirits,  “I didn’t mean it.”  or “I didn’t steal the caramel.” or “Even though I don’t believe in voodoo, it would be cool if you just ignored my a-holeness this time.  Thanks.”

When I was 17  my cousin pushed me into the room and shut the door on me.  For those few seconds my eyes darted from the altar to the fruit offerings to the candles to the caramels to the statues to the half-smoked cigars to the lottery tickets to my grandpa’s sandals to the door knob.  I was so freaked out that the room started to spin, and I got a little dizzy. Luckily, Wuelita saved me.  I don’t believe in voodoo, but that experience was very traumatic.

Flash forward to a few days ago when I spotted two crows in a tree in my backyard.  There was some sort of crow fight going on because they were squawking back and forth at each other.  It was  amusing, until they started to brawl.  The squawking turned into high-pitched squeaks.  Feathers started to fly.  It got so intense that I got a little nervous, and put my dog in the house.  Then, complete silence.  It was then I witnessed a dead, limp, black crow fall from the tree.  It hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.  A rain of black feathers followed. Then, the other lifeless crow came crashing down!  *pees pants, just a little*

I’m not very superstitious, but two dead crows falling out of the sky into your backyard can’t be a good sign.  Also, I don’t believe in voodoo, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to need some homemade rum, a couple of candles, a pack of Marlboro Lights, some apples, a banana, a Barbie, two lottery tickets, and a Snickers to get rid of this bad joo-joo.


13 Responses to “The Power of Voodoo. Who Do? You Do.”

  1. Thypolar April 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

    Holy crap Batman! I would have pissed myself and been afraid to move. They killed each other? Or was it like a murder – suicide crow style? I’ve got the rum and candles!

    • Don't Make That Face April 7, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

      Yeah, it was freaky. I really hate birds so the entire time I was praying they wouldn’t fly at me. This is worse.
      I’m pretty sure they were fighing over some bird poon, and it ended in a feathered murder/suicide thing.
      We won’t really be drinking the rum. We’ll take swigs and spit/spray it over the area in the yard where the birds fell. But, we could definitely have some wine afterwards. 😉

      • Thypolar April 7, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

        This is getting serious! Dude…I’m in 🙂

  2. Craig & Joe Ardolino April 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

    That must have been scary. But I did some quick research and you should be okay. (read below), but it could be grandpa putting a scare into you for entering his domain.

    Folklore and Superstitions regarding Crows

    Crows have been used for the purpose of divination since the time of ancient Rome.

    Finding a dead crow on the road is good luck.

    Crows in a church yard are bad luck

    A single crow over a house meant bad news, and often foretold a death within. “A crow on the thatch, soon death lifts the latch.”

    It was unlucky in Wales to have a crow cross your path. However, if two crows crossed your path, the luck was reversed. “Two crows I see, good luck to me”

    In New England, however, to see two crows flying together from the left was bad luck.

    When crows were quiet and subdued during their midsummer’s molt, some European peasants believed that it was because they were preparing to go to the Devil to pay tribute with their black feathers.

    • Don't Make That Face April 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

      Well, I know grandpa would never do that because I totally threw my cousin under the bus that day. I may have even shed some tears. He was in deep shit.
      Thanks for doing the research. I will go with the best option available. 🙂

  3. Invisible Mikey April 7, 2011 at 4:56 pm #

    What a good true life comedic adventure! Thanks for reminding me to subscribe.

  4. Redneckprincess April 7, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    I am just gonna say that Craig and Joe’s story made me feel more scared….

    I am sure it will be fine…

  5. accidentalstepmom April 8, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    I am pretty sure you’ll need a chicken, too. That would have scared the crap out of me.

    I walk my puppies in this cemetery by my house and one day we came across a new grave, so new it didn’t have a headstone yet. There was one crow each perched on three surrounding headstones screaming their faces off. I don’t know what it meant, but we got the hell out of there.

    • Don't Make That Face April 8, 2011 at 8:31 am #

      I just got goose bumps. There are something that you don’t have to be a voodoo priest to know. Crows perched on headstones screaming their heads off should make a person want to haul ass out of there.

      Yes, the chicking goes without saying. 🙂

  6. newfrankyj April 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    If the research is true, then the one crow on your house foretold death… the death of the other bird. Now I’m just worried about the second. I bet the bird poon they were chasing fed them both some poison. There’s no bird incarceration for acts like that. I hope, for that sexy sexy crow poon.

    • Don't Make That Face April 8, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

      Bird poon worth dying for? I want to know her secret. 😉
      Thanks for reading and subscribing.

  7. fnkybee April 11, 2011 at 7:15 am #

    Holy Shmolly! Falling birds can’t be the best thing in the world. I would have found a corner and started rocking and chanting something or other!

    • Don't Make That Face April 11, 2011 at 8:37 am #

      I know! It was really eery. *chills* Your pictures are amazing by the way.

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