Is That A Snake In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

29 Mar

I lost my keys the other day.  It was very frustrating because my husband had the other set with him at work, and I was stuck at home.  I found them under the couch cushion two days later.  That sucked. 

I also once lost $20.  I didn’t even know it was missing.  I found it when I was switching purses.  That was awesome. 

You know what I probably wouldn’t lose?  A deadly Egyptian Cobra

It’s my understanding that the snake is still on the loose.  Before I offer the zookeepers at the Bronx Zoo my suggestions of where to look for the missing snake, I have to ask a couple of questions. 

First, are you sure that you’re missing a snake?   I’m serious.  I imagine snakes are hard to count.  They get intertwined and their heads look like their butts.  Miscounting the number of snakes is just as likely as actually losing onePlease recount. 

Second, was it a man or a woman who confirmed that the snake was missing?  I ask this because if male zookeepers are anything like males in general, it is possible that the snake was sitting right in front of the male zookeeper’s face.  The only way the male zookeeper would have known the snake was there was if the snake would have bitten him.  Literally.

Yoo-hoo! Like, here I am.

 Ok.  After you’ve recounted, and Sally the zookeeper confirms the snake is in fact missing, here are my suggestions of what to do next:

  1. You should call that slutty little ho’bag that stole my boyfriend in 8th grade.  She’s a snake; she might know where to look.
  2. Look for a chick hanging out by a tree trying to feed her boyfriend an apple.  The snake may be hiding out there. 
  3. He’s not in my husband’s pants.  I checked last night.  The only thing in there was a trouser snake!  Ya-cha-cha! *jazz hands*
  4. The missing cobra is on Twitter (he’s hilarious).  Has anyone bothered to look for a snake using a computer or on a smartphone?  Come on people!

The good people of New York shouldn’t worry, though.  I heard the snake will eventually reappear…when it gets hungry or thirsty.

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12 Responses to “Is That A Snake In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?”

  1. fnkybee March 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

    I vote you for President of…THE WORLD! They seriously need to send a female in to recount because like you said it could have been sitting right in front of the dude counting the snakes and he would have missed it.

    • Don't Make That Face March 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

      President of the world?! I better start working out. I don’t want to be remembered as the chubby President. That would suck.
      That whole guys can’t see things is soooo true!

  2. SandySays1 March 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    Hmmmm, My human says he knows a few hundred politicians he’d like to volunteer to help find old slinky. You blind fold them, and have them feel around in all the likely places, and…
    Sandy
    http://www.Sandysays1.wordpress.com

    • Don't Make That Face March 29, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      Of course! Why haven’t they thought of that, yet? Have the politicians look for him. Brilliant!

  3. offthepole March 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

    The “what to do next” suggestions are hysterical. Also, thanks for the tip on the missing snake’s Twitter. #following.

    • Don't Make That Face March 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm #

      Glad you liked the post. The snake is hilarious.

      • offthepole March 29, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

        “Not a fan of G.I. Joe.” Brilliant in its simplicity.

      • Don't Make That Face March 29, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

        LOL! I know! It’s awesome. I also like the Kararte Kid reference.

  4. detrimentalbeauty March 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    Oh, my hubs looks for things with man eyes all the time… Definately hope they have a female zoo person looking!

  5. Miz Parker March 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Ya-cha-cha! *jazz hands*

    Awesome.

  6. Craig & Joe Ardolino March 31, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    You always make me laugh! Thanks

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