Excuse Me, I Have to Poop

18 Mar

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, I’m generally in a constant state of annoyance.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m a happy person, but I’m also easily annoyed by almost anything.  Here’s a list of a few things that take me from pleasant to pissy in less than 5 seconds:

  1. Rain (or any form of humidity) after I’ve sat in a salon for 2 hours getting a blowout.
  2. Getting up early to go to the gym.
  3. Pregnant pauses.
  4. Forward emails.
  5. Many, many, many more things.
  6. *NEW The sentence finisher.

I recently met someone who, although I’m sure is a nice person, I will never know for sure because I will never speak to her again.  She’s the Sentence Finisher.  Let me explain.

We were having a discussion about our teenagers.  Things started off ok.  Then, we started talking about curfews.  I said:

Nothing good can happen after midnight. 

As I said the last two words of the sentence, “after midnight”, I noticed that Sentence Finisher said them along with me, three octaves higher.  She sang them more than she said them.  “Aaaaafter Midniiiiight.”

Ok, that was weird.  Whatever.  We continued our conversation.  I said:

I think the driving age should be bumped up to 18.  I had no business driving when I was 16.

As I said “when I was 16” Sentence Finisher chimed in (literally), “When I was sixteeeeeeeeen”.  This time she opera-sang “16” so loudly and so high that I had to look around and silently assure everyone in the room that I didn’t have Sentence Finisher in a headlock.

This continued for the next five minutes until I came up with the excuse that the meal we had just shared wasn’t agreeing with me, and excused myself to use the restroom.  In order to get away from her I resorted to the “I have to poop” excuse.   Basically, I would rather this woman picture me pooping than think of me as someone she can talk to. 

I’m an a-hole.

P.S.  I was tempted to say “I’m a tool!” just so I could hear her sing “I’m a toooooooool!”


4 Responses to “Excuse Me, I Have to Poop”

  1. Beebs March 18, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    I totally know someone just like this. I was laughing so hard reading this post that I peed my pants (I know you just sang ‘peed my pants’)!

  2. Don't Make That Face March 18, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    LOL! Peeeeed myyy paaaaants. Tra, la, la, la, la

  3. Craig & Joe Ardolino March 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

    LOL! I could really visualize this. Wish you had a picture of her face when you said you had to poop! I may even use this one day just to see someones face.


  1. Your Comments Make Me Better « Don't Make That Face - May 6, 2011

    […] what Miami Beach Condos at Fukuda8@gmail.com (I like what you did there) said about my Excuse Me, I Have to Poop post about someone I was dying to get away from at party: I just check the demographics of Miami […]

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