Bully Beatdown (In My Head).

10 Mar

See Farkas, here? 

*Shudder*

He looks exactly like the bully that used to terrorize my neighborhood park when I was growing up.  He was sooooo naughty!  He never combed his hair, always had on a dirty t-shirt, and was usually sporting a faint red kool-aid mustache. 

He lived a few houses down from the park which means we could usually hear him coming:

MOM!  I’M NOT GROUNDED!  I’M GOING TO THE F-IN PARK! 

That was our warning that we needed to quit whatever kid game we were playing and get the hell out of dodge.  Sometimes, we would take our chances in hopes that he was just passing by on his way to the penny candy store.   Even then, he would usually stop across the street and start verbally assaulting some poor kid. 

HEY YOU!  YEAH, YOU!  I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS AFTER I BUY MY NOW AND LATERS!  YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE!

Sometimes, he would sneak up on us.  We wouldn’t know he was there until rocks started flying at our heads.  Other times, he would saunter in without making a sound, make his way up the jungle gym, and stare at us for a few minutes.  Then, he would pee down the slide.

It’s been many years since I’ve seen that kid.  I thought I had forgotten all about him.  Until last night. 

I was at the grocery store talking myself into buying a bag of a Doritos (Maybe I should get the baked one?  But they don’t taste as good.  If I eat 15 chips a day, the bag will last forever.  SOLD!) when I heard a low, raspy voice behind me:

 SHIT!  Where’s the Diet Pepsi?!  They don’t have any f-in Diet Pepsi?!

I KNEW THAT VOICE!  In an instant I saw every childhood memory I have about the park play in my head.  I saw flashes of the bully screaming at his mom, the bully punching a kid in the face for beating him in a bike race, the bully stealing the aluminum cans we were going to cash in for candy money, the bully laughing as he peed down the slide.  It all flashed before my eyes in a matter of seconds. 

You guys, I’m pretty sure it was him.  I don’t know for sure, though, because I was too sacred to turn around.  But, next time?  Next time I’m so going to confront him.

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