Bieber Fever, Explained.

17 Feb

*This post is dedicated to my good friend, R, who is giving birth to her daughter today.  I’m sure 12 years from now, R will be begging me to go with her to whatever teeny-bopper concert her daughter is dying to go to, and I will happily tag along.

I was at the movie theater with Hubby over the weekend, and there was a rather loud and chatty group of tweens lined up for the new Justin Bieber movie.   A group of young girls, all fired up about one thing, hormones raging, voices screeching, can be a bit intimidating.  For a second I thought about warning Hubby to take his glasses off for fear that one of the girls would shout an “OMG” so high-pitched, his glasses would crack.

 

The thing is, I totally get it.  You can say I was a bit of a New Kids On The Block fan back in the day.  I may have camped out for tickets, I may have stayed at the same hotel when they came into town, I may have even taken the service elevator to their floor and yelled “I LOVE YOU, JOEY!!!!” before the security guard came running down the hall, and I had to run down the stairs to escape.

It’s hard to explain to someone who has never been a teenage girl, but the craziness that washes over you when you’re completly obsessed with a Bieber-esque celebrity can be debilitating. These girls have no idea their love for The Beebs is completely irrational.  They can’t help themselves.  Yes, The Beebs looks a bit like a girl, but that’s part of the appeal.  He looks like a kid, someone these girls might go to school with.

The Beebs

Yes, his songs are written by someone else, and his entire image has been fabricated by a highly paid team of publicists, but it doesn’t matter.  He could stop signing tomorrow, and these girls would still write “Justin + Me= Fo-Eva” as their Facebook status. Justin makes them feel “funny”, and they love it.  “Bieber Fever” is real. These girls can’t help but go nuts. 

For example, the typical Bieber fan knows, even if it’s deep, deep down, that  The Beebs is not singing directly to her.  She knows it’s highly unlikely that Joey McIntyre Justin is going to walk into her school, find her class, grab her hand and say, “DMTF Baby, I love you, and I want you to go on tour with me.”  He’s not then going to tell your mom that she shouldn’t worry, because he really loves you, and he’s going to take good care of you.  There’s a tutor on the bus, and she and your sisters can come visit you whenever they want.  And, Joey Justin isn’t  going to hold a press conference announcing to the world that he’s finally found love in Near Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and he would appreciate if people would just accept that, and give him his privacy, because this is the real deal.  He definitely would not then turn to you, get down on one knee, slip a promise ring on your finger, and say he would do anything for you, and once you’re old enough he’s going to marry you, and the two of you will have a boy and a girl, two dogs, and a cat (Joey loves cats). 

When I was a youg and crazy NKOTB fan, I knew that scenarios like that were unlikely.  However, that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about giving my flower to Joey McIntire in a an expensive and dimly lit hotel room on a bed strewn with rose petals and “Please Don’t Go, Girl” playing in the background. 

 

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